there i was sitting
my mandolin tunin'
with my buddies, Britain
and the European Union
when the Union said, "Britain!
What's that on your face?"
and Britain rushed to the washroom
flushed with pomp and grace

(We went to bed angry, my Honey and I. She wanted to hang me, but I wanted to die! And in a bed like that, nobody wins; you sleep in opposite gutters, no one grazes the pins...)

i wish i were back
at the thinkers' salon
with Slavoj Zizek
and Alain de Botton
o how they'd load me up
with such tweetable quotes
then i'd be someone to follow
then i'd be something of note

(My Honey once told me I was her first pick. But when she sold me? That's when everything clicked! I'm number one, alright: first step in the plan to trade me up for a car and a rugged young salesman...)

the widow's just famous
for being rich
but can you blame us
for watching this
when she's got such opinions
from race to minimum wage?
she says, "What's the problem?
I'm paid pretty swell for my age!"

(My Honey decided she would love me still. She said, "Have me brided?" And I said, "I will!" But apparently those are all the wrong words, so she went looking for them. And I'm still waiting for her...)

yes, here i am sitting
again on my rump
shaking a mitten
at Donald Trump
because Donald told me
my costume don't fit
o may he slip like a tongue
back down the american pit

(My Honey returned with a basket of fruit. She said, "Y'know what I learned?" I said, "Shoot!" She said, "I learned everything that you'll never know." I didn't know whether to kiss her or tell her to go...)

young soldiers keep waging
their wars in the east
and here i am aging
in the west like a beast
my tusks grow longer
my belly gets full
but when we're dead
what's the difference in our skulls?

My Honey was hungry. I brought her some food. She suddenly stung me! She said, "DON"T BE RUDE!"

I said, "HONEY! For once in your life, could you give me some clues? Because I understand you like I understand the news."